Samus's Choice
by golfer
Summary: This is a oneshot on why SamusxIke, SamusxSnake, and SamusxCaptain Falcon wouldn't work. Rated T for violence, some language, and suggestive themes. Please Read and Review


This is just an experiment. I don't know if this will be a hit, or not. I just always wanted to make a one-shot like this. . So…enjoy!

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"NO NO NO!" Samus yelled, as she took off her power suit. Snake, Captain Falcon, and Ike were following Samus, where she was in the weight room. Samus had put a 200 pound one to bench press. She had a tournament against Mr. GayManWatch and she wasn't about to lose to someone so cheap. However, the three guys have been arguing over who she'd go out with first. Samus hated all three.

"But why?" Captain Falcon asked in a whiny voice.

"Because YOU SUCK!" Snake said. "Samus loves ME! Not some stupid idiot who yells FALCON before doing something, and ESPECIALLY not someone so freakin' CHEAP!

"I'm cheap Mr. Top Tier?" Ike protested. "I don't have explosives. I can't put a bomb on someone with no way for them to get it off." Samus was laughing on the inside, wondering how in the world these three could be so stupid over her.

"Oh, you wanna go?" Snake challenged, shoving Ike.

"Sure, punk! Shove me again and I'll kick your sorry as-" Ike was interrupted because Samus was sick of it, so she punched Ike in the mouth. They weren't in the brawl room, so it hurt.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Ike yelled out, holding his mouth. Captain Falcon stepped up to Ike. "FALCON…" Captain Falcon was stopped by a kick to the face from Snake, who said "KICK!" in mockery of Captain Falcon. Ike, now recovered, stepped up to Snake. "C'mon now" Ike said. "Let's go if you deserve her so much. Fight, and draw thy tool (did you catch the reference? If not, ask)." Ike held his sword, and Snake held out his weapon. Ike smashed Snake, knocking him into the wall, completely unconscious. Captain Falcon did the knee of justice on Ike, knocking out his teeth and leaving him by Snake.

"Ike and Snake…let's have some fun…" Captain Falcon said as he grabbed Snake, and pulled him over Ike so he was on top. Sonic walked by and took a picture. Then he ran. Snake woke up all of a sudden and tripped Captain Falcon. Ike woke up and punched Snake in the face. Soon, they were wrestling on the ground. Luigi walked by, but got scared and jumped out the window, and landed with a splat. Mr. GayManWatch walked by, but Ike swung his sword at Snake, missed, and accidently cut Mr. G&W's head off. Captain Falcon stood above them and was preparing a Falcon Punch, but Ike and Snake grabbed him and brought him down. However, they all got up, and stared at each other. Captain Falcon, all of a sudden, looked at Snake, and kicked him in the balls. "AHHHH! YOU KICKED ME IN THE FREAKIN' BALLS!" Snake yelled. He clutched that area and fell down in tears.

"It's super effective!" Captain Falcon said, saluting. Ike walked up to him, and stared at him.

"You're a pussy!" Ike said. "Now fight like a man." Captain Falcon just smirked, and yelled "FALCON KICK!" He kicked Ike in the balls. Ike began to tear up and said "What's wrong pussy Failcon? Can't fight? Samus is more of a man than you!" Ike saw a blue blur, and saw black. Samus sat back down. Captain Falcon looked around, but Snake, seizing the opportunity, tackled Captain Falcon and rapidly punched him in the face. Captain Falcon fought back by letting out a punch, but Snake wouldn't let up. Ike kicked Snake off, and kicked him in the balls. Snake didn't hurt as bad because he was numb. Ike began to laugh. "Ha ha. I guess I can't hurt what's not there!" Snake became so angry, he kicked the first thing he could, which happened to be Ike. Ike fell down because of the kick to the shins, and Snake brought him down to his level. Snake punched Ike, and Ike punched Snake. It went back and forth. Samus was getting angry. "HEY, IDIOTS! STOP IT!" Samus screamed. The three wouldn't let up. Suddenly, Meta Knight went up to Samus and asked in his deep voice "Are those gentlemen bothering you?" Samus let out a small laugh and said "I can't call them gentlemen, but yeah. They're fighting over me. Ugh. I wish they could be more like…you."

Ike, Snake, and Falcon stood up upon hearing the word you. They looked at Meta Knight. They were all wearing frowns. "Great, our competition is a puffball" Ike smirked. Meta Knight frowned and said "I didn't come here to fight. I came to watch over Samus." Snake didn't like to hear that and taunted Meta Knight, saying "Look puffball, how about you get out of here?" Snake stepped up to Meta Knight, and gave him a kick, enough to make him fall back about a foot away. Snake was about to turn away when Meta Knight said "No wonder Samus hates you." Snake turned around, and ran at Meta Knight, and he was about to throw a punch, but Meta Knight stuck his sword in his fist, causing Snake to hold his bloodied hand. Snake stood back. Ike ran up and brought down his sword, but Meta Knight used his dimensional cape, and lunged for Ike's sword, knocking it out of his hand. Meta Knight's Galaxia became white hot, and Meta Knight sliced Ragnal in half. Ike held up his (two) swords (hahaha) and walked away, going to find a place to fix his sword. Captain Falcon ran up to the small knight and was about to use a Falcon Punch, but Meta Knight, relying on instinct, kicked at him. Now, Meta Knight comes up to Captain Falcon's thigh. Meta Knight can only kick straight, so when he kicked, Captain Falcon let out a high pitched scream and fell to the ground, completely unconscious. Snake went up to Captain Falcon and said "You're right, it is super effective!" Snake went back to find Dr. Mario. Meta Knight sighed, and said "What do we do with Captain Falcon." Samus chuckled, and lifted Captain Falcon up, and threw him out the window. He landed with a thud. Luigi was down there.

"WAAAAH! WHY DOES NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO WEEGEE?!"

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I'm sorry *hahaha* But I HAD to make this. I don't hate any of the characters except for GayManWatch and Luigi. But otherwise, I like the others.


End file.
